Gratitude

About a week and a half ago, I suffered one of my lowest of lows as I found myself unable to shake the horrible dark thoughts in my mind and the overwhelming sorrowful mood that had taken over my body. After I spent what felt like hours crying and talking to two of my closest friends, they settled on a conversation about gratitude and being grateful for what you do have, rather than constantly being resentful of the horrors of your life. When I had finally managed to some what compose myself, I agreed that daily I would send a list of 10 things that I was grateful for to them as a way of showing that I was thinking positively rather than negatively.

We stood in my friends kitchen, clutching at glasses of water as I attempted to send off my first list. 10 things to be grateful for probably doesn't seem that hard to come up with, but when your mind is deafening you with negative thoughts, it appears to be mission impossible. But still, I managed to force out my list.

1. Living in a home in a good area
2. Having a family that exists
3. Friends that will help me whenever
4. Having clothes to wear
5. Having the opportunity to go to uni
6. My education
7. Having safe food and water to consume
8. Medicare allowing me to see a doctor whenever
9. Pizza
10. Being alive

Ignoring the clear humour of number 9, they commended me for the list and discussed their pride over the fact that I was able to do that but continuously reminded me that it wasn't a one off. I was going to do it every day. And in the moment I nodded my head reassuringly telling them that I would and that it would be no problem. But I was wrong.

When the next day came by and I hadn't sent a message I was sent a cheeky reminder just stating "You grateful this morning Victoria? :)" I was suddenly irritated and felt a sense of anger towards the question as I just kept telling myself that I had nothing to be grateful for and that it was too hard of a task to complete. So my way of resolving this issue, was to send out a sarcastic response. It seemed harmless in my eyes, but he saw past it.

1. My comfy blankets which I have cocooned myself in all morning
2. The ability to have a hot shower
3. My hair straightener to tame my mane
4. IMessage
5. Videos of Novak Djokovic that I had never seen before
6. The banana that I just ate
7. Being able to contact someone almost immediately
8. The health of my immediate family
9. The NRL season starting back up in 31 days
10. Electricity  

Now I'll admit that some of those answers were legitimate answers and while I am grateful for those things, that's not what the task was about. He wanted me to search my mind and soul for things that would keep me alive and thanking God or whoever, for being alive. After I expressed my disdain for the task and the feeling of embarrassment that he felt like I needed to send him a message daily, I sent a real list. And after I did so, I did feel that sense of gratitude. 

1. The health of my immediate family
2. Electricity
3. The ability to have a hot shower
4. Being able to contact someone almost immediately
5. Not living in a third world country
6. Feeling safe within my household and neighbourhood
7. The encouragement of my family and friends to pursue my dreams
8. Having multiple different people to go to during bad times
9. The development of medication that assures me during times I'm sick
10. Being able to contact my family overseas easily

The next day I didn't need a reminder. I had a very humbling day and I was definitely brought back down to reality, so willingly in my time, I was able to quickly send away my list.

1. A functioning body that allows me to live my life easily
2. The chance to have experienced two different cultures as well as the opportunity to experience more in the future
3. The unbelievable diversity among the world that has allowed me to determine the way I want and should live
4. Random acts of kindness that remind me that there is good in the world
5. The world of music, film and television that takes me to a whole new world that I can use as an escape
6. The music and television industry that continuously keeps inspiring me
7. The ability to freely speak my mind
8. Small acts of affection
9. Growth through bad times and having your growth acknowledged
10. Having a sister which prevents the concept of being an only child

After that day, I got quite busy. I was doing well emotionally and mentally so maybe I felt I didn't need to be grateful anymore. That gratitude was only suited for those that were emotionally unstable. But really, gratitude is what humbles and surfaces every single person on this earth. No person is too good to be grateful. And no one has no reason to be grateful. There is always a reason.

That is why, despite my many days of not sending a list, I was still so easily able to write up this list after he sent me a simple message stating "Gratefulness is the key to life."

1. Feeling comfortable with someone enough to express yourself fully and have no awkward silences or anything
2. Having the ability to learn new things no matter how late in life it may seem
3. Realising someone you just met and you share a similar interest
4. That first laugh after you've been crying
5. Coming home to find my dog running to the door to greet me
6. Reminiscing about old memories that you hadn't thought about in ages
7. Waking up feeling refreshed 
8. Discovering new locations
9. Catching up with friends you hadn't seen in a long time and nothing being different
10. Having someone change your doubts about something

Through the days I have been constantly reminded that gratitude is what helps keep you alive. Tonight, I discovered it myself. When you really care, it won't be that hard to realise too. So that is why now, I question you. If someone asked you to list 10 things you were truly, life savingly grateful for, could you do it?