Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a very passionate and dedicated Parramatta Eels fan. I am very invested in the sport as a whole and definitely delve deep in all the issues surrounding the players, teams and the game. This issue however, is one that I have purposely avoided. I know that it is a huge issue and definitely affects everyone involved with the club but I don't feel a need to discuss it so much. Every single time I log onto any form of social media I see something new on the matter. It's unavoidable and frankly, I'm over it. Once an actual punishment has been issued and the case is closed, I will see reasoning in people discussing it like no tomorrow but right now there's actually no point at all. There are far more important things to focus on right now than the salary cap drama from previous years.
The Braids
Sure the Manly Sea Eagles are rocking a few more braided heads but Parramatta are the dark knights on this issue. I honestly believe by finals times they can have every single player on that field with at least 3 braids. Brad Takairangi has the undercut happening, Tepai Moeroa rocks half the head with the rest in his luscious pony tail, Kenny Edwards has blue and gold braided within the hair and Junior Paulo has the itsy bitsy pony tail happening at the bottom of his so already they're top of the comp with creativity and differentiation. Hands down though, the only way Parramatta can take home the braided premiership title is if they get Beau Scott to get some braided extensions onto that bald head. Now that would be a sight.
Corey Norman's "Yeah Nah"s
This is actually such a huge issue that I can not understand why more people aren't focusing on. I think people are overlooking it because it's such a serious matter. Is there a reason why he needs to say "yeah nah" at least 12 times every interview? Where is the clause in his contract that requires it and why do so many other players have the same clause? Is this a new trend that's taking over our society now days? Bets are on. Can Corey Norman go a whole interview without saying "yeah nah" at least once? Odds are against him...
Eels Game Day Playlist
At the beginning of the season the social networking team announced a list of songs that the players had nominated to be played each time they scored a try/kicked a conversion. The only twist on this matter is that they didn't say who selected which song. Ever since that dark day I haven't been able to think, eat or sleep. I need to know who picked which song and why they did it. What if a player never scores a try? Does that mean they never get to hear their beloved theme song belted through the speakers? And what about players who score tries during away games and not at home? I feel so bad for them that they get to miss out on the amazing opportunity to celebrate to their own music selection. This game is too unfair.
No Smiling Allowed
As a bystander at Parramatta games and functions I can easily say that Nathan Peats and Manu Ma'u are two of the most terrifying humans alive. They're lovely guys, do not get me wrong on that at all but sometimes when I'm home alone lost in my thoughts I have to wonder if they have ever smiled. I seriously believe it should be on the bucket list of every single Parramatta fan that they will make one of the two (or even more magical, both) smile. I fear it may be impossible though...
The Kenny Cuddle
I've left the most important matter for last because this matter doesn't just affect Parramatta but it affects the whole NRL. I reached out to Hopoate, Thurston, Tedesco and Moylan to speak on this matter but they all rejected my tweets and Instagram direct messages and I'm only assuming it's because they are still recovering from their incidents and aren't quite yet prepared to talk about it. Each of these poor souls encountered the ferocious Kenny Edwards and his bear hugs during pivotal moments of their games causing total chaos amongst Parramatta fans. How does he pick his victims? Does he stalk his victims like a predator or does he attack at random? But the most important question I have to ask is, just how embarrassed are the players after they realise that they were his victim?
These are the matters that I wish the media and society would focus on more rather than focusing on such irrelevant and unimportant matters like the salary cap. What does a club have to do to get some attention from the media these days?
VG out. *mic drop*
Disclaimer: Although I'm known for my passion for the eels, I'm actually more known for my sarcasm and smart-ass attitude. Sorry if you thought you were actually going to get some logical display of intelligence towards the matter. Also, I have actually encountered both Peats and Ma'u smiling and it was life changing. Brought a tear to my eye.
